There is Beauty in New Beginnings

I am not one of those "New year, new me" type of people. I am normally a "New year, same shit" type. I stopped making resolutions many years ago. However, I've learned to embrace new beginnings, and a new year is definitely a new beginning. On January 1st, we all get a fresh start. If we were blessed enough to see the new year, we have the opportunity to begin anew. There really is beauty in starting over.

A lot of us don't really embrace and welcome change.

For most of my life, I was one of those people who dreaded and feared a change of any kind. Change to me always represented something negative or painful, or both. As this new year approached, I started writing out my goals and plans, and I started to feel an excitement I haven't felt in forever. I became excited because I intend for 2018 to be an awesome year for me. For the first time, I plan to live an intentional life. A year that includes stepping outside of ALL the boxes I've created for myself, as well as welcoming new people and experiences.

All while fiercely protecting my energy, my space and my time. I am still standing as we enter year number 2 of Aaron being gone. There are moments when I still can't believe how cancer came through and destroyed my life. The last four years have been so damn hard. Like, ridiculously, fucking hard. However, I've learned so much about myself and others in that time. I've not only lost my husband, I also lost some people disguised as friends. I've gained so much and learned a lot as well. I am finally ok with me, just as I am while working to become the best version of myself.

I've learned that it's totally fine and necessary to allow myself to be vulnerable and to feel things. I've discovered a boldness and a strength inside me. I've also realized that I am no longer available for struggle or bullshit. Be it my own or others, it's no longer tolerated here. I've launched this blog as well as SavageChic with my cousin. My kids are doing very well. My first baby is graduating, my second baby will be going to high school, and my Aryn is the most awesome little chick I know. Beautiful things can come out of painful situations. Just like starting over can be terrifying and beautiful all at the same time.

I am a living, breathing testament to that. Am I completely healed and whole? Absolutely not. Will I ever be completely healed and whole? I hope so. God, I hope so. I'm slowly but surely getting closer every day. Every day that I don't give up or give in to the hurt, pain, and grief, I am one step closer to healing. But I am so much closer to those things then I was in 2016. For the first time in a very long time, I am actually looking forward to what my new beginnings hold for me. Let's go 2018!!