The Gift of Forgiveness

The holidays are once again upon us and my anxiety is growing. I’ve totally let Christmas sneak up on me and I haven’t gotten one gift. While attempting to create a list, I added myself this year. I can think of about 100 things I want right now, but I decided to gift myself forgiveness. I am always (well, most of the time) willing to forgive others their transgressions against me, but as always, I don’t offer myself the same. Once I figured out what I was giving to myself, I had to create a list of ALL the things that I need to forgive me for. And boy is this list long!

Kelli’s Forgiveness List:

I forgive myself for carrying pain, burdens and hurts that should have been released a long time ago. I forgive myself for allowing the thief of comparison to have such a negative impact on my life.

I forgive myself for believing that I wasn't enough. I forgive myself for the guilt I’ve carried for far too long. I forgive myself for not letting go of anger and disappointment. I forgive myself for the negative and untrue beliefs that I’ve held onto for so long. I forgive myself for accepting way less than I deserved in ALL relationships. I forgive myself for not loving myself enough. I forgive myself for allowing the negative, self-defeating self-talk to affect my life. I forgive myself for playing small and downplaying my greatness. I forgive myself for ever thinking people had the same heart and intentions that I do. I forgive myself for operating from a place of fear and limitation instead of power. I forgive myself for not forgiving myself sooner. I forgive myself for not seeing others as they truly are instead of how I wished them to be.

I am sure that there are some things that I have forgotten to include on my list. However, I am gifting myself complete and total forgiveness so that I can move into this new year and this new chapter of my life free. This baggage is heavy and it's way past time to let it go. I’ve learned in working on myself that I can’t forgive everyone else and not myself. Nothing on that list serves me. Nothing on that list helps me to walk in my purpose. Everything on that list is standing between the woman I am now and the woman I am working to become. She deserves to be set free.

I can no longer accept these things from others and I damn sure can’t continue to accept them from myself. It is extremely hard to look at myself and list all of the things that I do and have done on a daily basis that is detrimental to me not only mentally and spiritually, but physically as well. This gift is long overdue.

Now I can get back to working on my kids Christmas lists and begin planning for 2018. The holidays are definitely not what they used to be, but I’m going to push on through. I’m looking forward to when things become a little bit easier and not so stressful. Until then…