The Seasons are Changing

I always feel a little melancholy when fall comes around. I don't know if it's the end of summer or just the feeling of change all around me. It just makes me feel some kind of way. That's not the case this year. I still feel a little sad, but I'm refusing to acknowledge those feelings. I'm keeping my mind occupied. I started a business with my cousin. A real business. Yes, a business. I am also helping to launch a business for Aryn and two of her friends. It's a book club for girls. I'm also a soccer mom now. Yes, me. Rahsaan actually tried out for soccer and loves it. Finally! He's found something he likes. I am in a really good place. I've even been glowing a little bit. Just a little... And feeling a little bit MILFY....

Anyway, I feel like I should be overwhelmed with pride and excitement with all these awesome things going on in my life. I am definitely proud and happy. I just can't seem to find the excitement. I'm not sure what happened to my spark. Where is my enthusiasm? Where am I? There are times when I feel lost and I have to dig really deep to get myself back on track. It's like I feel stuck sometimes. I know that I have to continue to encourage and push myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I just don't want to. This happens to be one of those times. I deserve EVERY good thing that is happening and coming to me. I just can't shake this shitty feeling. I gotta get unstuck and get my fire back! Soon!!

On a more positive note, I've been really blessed to meet some incredible people recently. They've touched my spirit, made me laugh, forced me to think, held me while I cried and inspired me to do better. I see all of this shifting that's going on in my life. People and situations are being removed and replaced by people and things that feed my soul. I know I've said that before but my tribe is changing and expanding and I am ok with that. There are people whom I loved being removed. There are those whose friendship nor their word was genuine. No hard feelings. Only well wishes. I am learning how to just accept what is and let go of all that was.

I'm in the process of learning how to release the painful guilt that I've been carrying around while embracing all the good. I've fought very hard for every single happy moment that I've experienced. My focus right now is acceptance and peace. I am learning how to give myself what I need and deserve. Growing is as painful as it is uncomfortable. Since so many distractions have been removed, I've been able to see myself a lot more clearly. I could see who I was presenting to the world. I'm not completely happy with what I see. So while I am pushing through these changing seasons, I will continue to do the work necessary to prepare for this next chapter of my life.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for my life and the lives of my children. I already know for a fact that this blog, our business, and the girl's book club will be immensely successful. I think I am just impatient to see how all of this will play out. Y'all already know patience is not my virtue. I guess I will just keep on doing my work while waiting on God to do his. In the interim, I will just keep on being my little awesome, glowing, milfy, soccer-mom self. Thank you so much for reading me and keeping up with all the foolishness and shenanigans that make me who I am.