The Expectations Will Kill You

Expectations will kill you. Well, not literally, but you know what I mean. I have experienced a lot of hurt and disappointment lately. I've been let down by both family and "friends". I have to admit, it's my own fault. I knew better than to place expectations on anyone. I actually thought that people would reciprocate what I give to them. People will always disappoint you. I know that. Recently, I was hit with the realization that some people who were very near and dear to me, weren't really my friends. That shit really hurt for a minute. I think for me to be the type of person who is always giving, I expected more from the people who claimed to love me.

The feelings of loss resurfaced in a different way. When we consider someone to be a real friend, we share parts of ourselves that no one else sees. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable and naked in a sense. So when you realize the "friendship" wasn't what you thought, you grieve and you hurt. However, the way my life and feelings are set up, I'm not allowing myself to a long period to grieve and overthink what happened and what went wrong. I don't have time to waste on things that no longer matter. I am grateful to them for the lessons and experiences. I will always continue to pray for them and wish them nothing but the best. And that's all I can do. They are forgiven. No harm, no foul. I really am disappointed though...

I can tell that I've really grown because the old me would have had to find out why. I would have needed to know what I'd done. Or how I could fix. Now this new me isn't going to take the blame and I don't really care anymore. When people choose to walk away from me, I let them go. This includes family as well. You see, I had expectations of our families as well and sure enough, I was slapped with disappointments again. I really thought that the men in our families would rally around my sons and be there for them. I don't know what made me think that, but I did. I thought that our support system would stay in place and possibly increase. That didn't happen either. Actually, the exact opposite happened.

What I've learned from all of this is that I had no right to place expectations on anyone. So the hurt and disappointment I feel is kind of my own fault and I was reminded that everyone isn't my friend. I get it. Oh well, it's their loss. My focus has changed. My vibe is different. I've become very selective about the people I share my energy with now. I have no room for distractions in this space I'm in. Becoming more focused on myself, my growth, my happiness, and my life is my main priority now. And of course, my children. They are always at the top of my list. I guess this is just a part of growing older, it really is quality over quantity. Besides, everyone isn't meant to go to every level with you anyway, right? I'll just continue to love on all the people who are loving on us and will always love those who are no longer a part of our journey.