Self-Check Time

The older I get, the more I see the importance of taking the time to check myself. It’s necessary. No matter how often you do it, or what you might call it, you need to take the time to evaluate yourself and make the necessary changes. Sometimes it’s hard to see our own faults and to own them and to change what’s wrong. I realized that the image I was presenting to the world wasn’t the one I wanted my daughter to imitate. I didn't really like how I was showing up.

I am not happy and I haven’t been for a very long time. My self-esteem and self-confidence are kind of low right now. I get mad quickly, and I gossip a little too much. I could go on, but the point is, I see these things that I don't like. I need to correct them. I even had to think about some of the things that I post on social media. I need to get back to who I was. Even if I have to remove some people or things from my life in order to become the best possible version of me.

I have to redirect my focus and find my passion and my purpose. Even before the cancer and the care-giving, I was not a priority. Somewhere along the line, I lost myself. I really need to find her and put her back together, but better. I'm learning to be critical but loving when I'm dealing with not only myself, but others. Sometimes we can be our harshest critics. Being overly critical doesn't serve us well.

I want to make sure that I the person I present to the world is the type of woman I want Aryn to be. Although she will be her own person, she will be a reflection of me. I also want Rahmil and Rahsaan to also be proud of me. I want them to see that I did not allow my circumstances, no matter how painful, to destroy me. I have been doing ALLOT of praying for help with this. I am totally a work in progress. I can’t wait to see how I turn out!